Chapter 3: Visiting

Chapter 3: Visiting

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Dear Bella,

It's November now, two months and counting since our separation, though I'm not really concentrating on time.

I said last time that I left my heart behind. I'm beginning to really feel that loss now. I haven't felt anything like this in all my years. The agony of losing you doesn't compare to anything, not the influenza, or my transformation, or the burn in my throat on your first day. I feel nothing else, nothing but pain and grief and sadness.

I checked in with Carlisle last week. They are all well, getting on with things. Carlisle has a new job, working nights at a university. Esme is indulging her passion for restoration. Rosalie and Emmet have gotten married again and gone off on a honeymoon, to Europe. Jasper is studying philosophy, and Alice is doing research. She told me she had a sister named Cynthia, and her real name was Mary Brandon (Alice was her middle name). She seems content to stay away, as I requested, but she thinks I won't be able to keep it up for long. Well, I'll prove her wrong.

I tried a few tracking expeditions, but they didn't go well. I thought I came across something familiar just north of Seattle after my visit to Carlisle, but I couldn't place it, so I didn't bother following it, keeping to the trail I was already on. Maybe I'll try again, maybe not. I told you I would distract myself, but I don't think I can. The agony inside of me never fades; it is a thousand times worse than thirst, and no amount of distraction can take it away.

I love you forever Bella. I wish I could ask you not to forget that, but I can't, because I want you to forget me and move on. For your own good.

Be happy.

Edward

Chapter 2: One Month Apart

Chapter 2: One Month Apart

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Dear Bella,

It has been a month since I have seen your face.

Actually, that's not strictly true. You are always there, every time I close my eyes, like your face is tattooed on the inside of my lids. I can't begin to tell you how often that picture has almost swayed me from my decision; you are always smiling in welcome, like you would take me back if I would only come. Well, I am telling you right now, I will not. You deserve more than me, so much more.

Sometimes I think about that. Who would be perfect for my Bella? I think he would have to be someone strong, so he could protect you from yourself. Loving, definitely; human, without question; handsome...maybe. I'm not sure how you feel about looks, but of course, there would be no point if you didn't like him. He would need to be pretty special though, to be worthy of you.

I really don't know what to do with myself anymore. I can't be around the others, not even Alice, though she has always been my best friend. I can't do my favourite things anymore, because they all centre around you or remind me of you. I was thinking I would try tracking; nothing specific, just catching a scent and seeing how long I could follow it. I'm not sure how successful I would be. Probably I won't bother.

Mostly I find places to hide where no one can find me. Then I curl into a ball, close my eyes and let myself grieve for what I have given up. Truly, Bella, leaving you fells like losing the world. I am positive that I left my heart behind with you, though I can't be sure, since it doesn't beat. I hope you're looking after it.

I did try to blend into human society. Once. I won't try again. It was just so hard; so hard to keep the agony off my face, when every heartbeat reminded me of you. I was in a hotel, in Chicago. I hadn't taken a room; I just wandered in and made my way to the room where the entertainment goes on. There was a singer performing, a young girl, only about 14 or 15, with a young boy about the same age playing the guitar and harmonizing. They were good, I suppose. She sang one song that broke my focus on my expression. She said it was called 'When Your Gone' by Avril Lavigne, and it was all about the pain of losing a lover. It made me think of you, how you must have felt at the start. The singer came up to me afterwards and asked if I was okay. She said she had seen me, and that I looked upset. She was trying to be polite; her mouth said upset, her mind said devastated, agonized... heartbroken. I told her I was fine, a little more coldly than strictly necessary I think, but I honestly don't care anymore.

Once again, my sincerest hope that you will find someone to make you happy again.

Happy Halloween, my darling. No. I can think of you that way no longer. You are not mine anymore.

All my love forever and ever,

Edward

Chapter 1: Leaving

Hello hello hello!

Welcome to the Dear Bella blog. Here, I will be posting chapters of my completed Fanfiction Dear Bella, which is eight chapters long and is the first story I ever finished on FF.net. The basic idea behind this story came about when I was listening to the Westlife song Home. The story is basically a collection of letters written by Edward during the seven months that he and Bella were separated in New Moon, letters that were never meant to be read by anyone, but which Edward felt the need to write just to get the words out. There are seven of these letters, and the eighth chapter is an Edward's Point Of View re-write of his reunion with Bella in Volterra. 

Hopefully now I have explained this, I won't have to say it again ;P.

Let me know what you think, and come back here next Sunday for Chapter 2.

Peace!

Glitterb

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Chapter 1: Leaving

Dear Bella,

I just left you.

I can't believe I could but I did. It hurts just to remember what you looked like, the way your voice trembled, the hurt in your eyes. I'm so sorry. More sorry than I can ever tell you. There aren't words for my apologies. They haven't been invented yet.

I don't know what to do now. The others are gone already, and I can't stand to be around any of them. It's not that I don't love them anymore, I do, it's just that... I don't know how to explain it right. There is this hole inside of me that my family can't fill. I think I will travel, be alone for a time. I'll check in every so often, so they won't worry.

I hope you will move on Bella. I can't bear to think of you hurting the way I am, but I don't think there is any other way. I pray that you will find someone to make you happy, someone human who can protect you without endangering your life. I promised you that I would not interfere, and I intend to keep that promise.

I love you. I know it may not seem like it right now, but it's true. It always has been. It always will be

Edward